Yesterday I wrote an entire entry and saved it and today it disappeared. I could be upset, but instead I choose to be okay with it being gone. Maybe, instead of reflecting on the past year of love and loss, I am meant to talk about letting things go and accepting what is.
I believe that things will continue to show up in your life until you face them. For me, I am often asking, “But why…?” Why doesn’t she love me enough to stay? Why do the guys at work treat me this way? Why don’t I know what I want to do with my life? Why am I not good enough? Why? This question only brings up more heartache and more questions. Instead, I need to remember to ask how and what questions. How/what will I learn from this? How/what will I change? What can I live with and what can I live without? These questions lead to solutions and move me forward in life. Why questions only cause more pain and leave me dwelling in the past. Why questions are something I am ready and willing to let go of, because it will improve my outlook on life and my ability to improve how I handle situations that need. Whatever has happened up to this point, has happened and there’s nothing that can be done to change the past. It is over and now you must move forward. So maybe I don’t know what I am going to do my whole life, but I can start with what I am going to do today. How will I make a positive impact in someone’s life, today? How will I follow my joy, today? This is not only healthy, but it is living in the present moment and doing the best I can with each choice that I make.
It is time to focus on what is important and leave all the “why” questions in 2016. Truth is not absolute. Individual perception is what guides us to our own truths, because we all see things a bit differently. I hold onto the concept of security so tightly and strive to achieve it in my relationships, my job, and so on, but this need to feel secure in external things is futile. We cannot control the outcomes of relationships, of jobs, and these external things. The only thing we have control over is our own thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Our experience of life is all based on our thoughts and the relationships we form with others and things that dictate how we feel and behave. This is why I laugh to myself, when people say, “I can’t change”. This simply means they are not willing or ready to. One of my favorite quotes is by Anais Nin, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” I love this saying, because it was as if it was always meant to be so and when I used to question why, I got nowhere, so now I question, how.
How do I add the things I want to my life? A lot of people, including myself, look at what is lacking. It is easy to be critical oneself and others. It is more difficult to be positive about everything. It is the most difficult to be accurate. When I look at my have and have nots as they are and not in an “everything and nothing” or “everyone and no one” or “always and never”, then I am taking things to the extreme and that is not logical, healthy, or accurate. It is better to take things on a case by case basis unless you are starting to notice a pattern and realize that there really is something that may require your attention. My explanatory style tends to be a “Always me” style, but I am learning to change it to a “Sometimes me” explanatory style and learn how to come up with other reasons as to how something came about and what I can do on my end to adjust or change things so that I have a better result in the future. This is a much more productive approach than blaming myself or others for everything that I don’t like. This also helps me realize that like mentioned recently, I do not have control of everything and that is okay. I can’t help it if someone ends a relationship with me. I can’t help it if I am fired from a job. I can help what I choose to do afterward. I can use it to feel sorry for myself or get angry. Or I can learn from my experiences and do something different so that I can have a different outcome. It’s up to you. What will you do in 2017? How will your life change for the better?