Live for Today

Yesterday I wrote an entire entry and saved it and today it disappeared. I could be upset, but instead I choose to be okay with it being gone. Maybe, instead of reflecting on the past year of love and loss, I am meant to talk about letting things go and accepting what is.

I believe that things will continue to show up in your life until you face them. For me, I am often asking, “But why…?” Why doesn’t she love me enough to stay? Why do the guys at work treat me this way? Why don’t I know what I want to do with my life? Why am I not good enough? Why? This question only brings up more heartache and more questions. Instead, I need to remember to ask how and what questions. How/what will I learn from this? How/what will I change? What can I live with and what can I live without? These questions lead to solutions and move me forward in life. Why questions only cause more pain and leave me dwelling in the past. Why questions are something I am ready and willing to let go of, because it will improve my outlook on life and my ability to improve how I handle situations that need. Whatever has happened up to this point, has happened and there’s nothing that can be done to change the past. It is over and now you must move forward. So maybe I don’t know what I am going to do my whole life, but I can start with what I am going to do today. How will I make a positive impact in someone’s life, today? How will I follow my joy, today? This is not only healthy, but it is living in the present moment and doing the best I can with each choice that I make.

It is time to focus on what is important and leave all the “why” questions in 2016. Truth is not absolute. Individual perception is what guides us to our own truths, because we all see things a bit differently. I hold onto the concept of security so tightly and strive to achieve it in my relationships, my job, and so on, but this need to feel secure in external things is futile. We cannot control the outcomes of relationships, of jobs, and these external things. The only thing we have control over is our own thoughts, emotions, and behavior. Our experience of life is all based on our thoughts and the relationships we form with others and things that dictate how we feel and behave. This is why I laugh to myself, when people say, “I can’t change”. This simply means they are not willing or ready to. One of my favorite quotes is by Anais Nin, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” I love this saying, because it was as if it was always meant to be so and when I used to question why, I got nowhere, so now I question, how.

How do I add the things I want to my life? A lot of people, including myself, look at what is lacking. It is easy to be critical oneself and others. It is more difficult to be positive about everything. It is the most difficult to be accurate. When I look at my have and have nots as they are and not in an “everything and nothing” or “everyone and no one” or “always and never”, then I am taking things to the extreme and that is not logical, healthy, or accurate. It is better to take things on a case by case basis unless you are starting to notice a pattern and realize that there really is something that may require your attention. My explanatory style tends to be a “Always me” style, but I am learning to change it to a “Sometimes me” explanatory style and learn how to come up with other reasons as to how something came about and what I can do on my end to adjust or change things so that I have a better result in the future. This is a much more productive approach than blaming myself or others for everything that I don’t like. This also helps me realize that like mentioned recently, I do not have control of everything and that is okay. I can’t help it if someone ends a relationship with me. I can’t help it if I am fired from a job. I can help what I choose to do afterward. I can use it to feel sorry for myself or get angry. Or I can learn from my experiences and do something different so that I can have a different outcome. It’s up to you. What will you do in 2017? How will your life change for the better?

 

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Romantic Tuesday -Stay With Me

Sometimes we just need to know that someone will be there for us – not to fix, not to talk, and maybe even not to listen – simply to be there and hold your hand

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The sky darkens in my world

As her tears fall to the earth

The sun drops behind the mountains

The wind begins to blow fiercely

 

I try to heal her pain

With my words

But she tells me

She cannot be mended

 

She only wants to feel my love

 

I hold her face in my hand

Stare deeply into her eyes

And remind her

With all certainty

 

“I am here”

“I will not leave you”

“You are not alone”

 

Her tears flood the bedroom

Until we are floating in deep waters

She doesn’t want me to fix…

Anything

 

I fall silent

Wading with her

In a sea of unspoken thoughts

Until the storm passes

 

Heavy and Light

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There’s so much hate and destruction in the world

Though I know it goes by many names

It is all in the name of fear

 

When my heart is so heavy, how can I be a light

When I feel powerless, how can I give hope flight

 

So how can I be the change

When it all seems so strange

I can’t seem to re-arrange

What’s been done

I’m left with one

Sad, heavy heart

I feel broken apart

Vulnerable, powerless

I must confess

I do feel blessed

But what about the rest

Whose lives have been lost

Whose lives has been tossed

By the waste side

They say change only comes from the inside

So we stand together to show our pride

That we are not afraid

We will not run away

From who we are and who we love

Love

If love is the answer

How do we pull it out

When we’ve been devastated

With confusion and doubt

How can we make a difference

I can’t wrap my head around this

I don’t understand it in the least

I can’t believe that this was for religion

If religion is supposed to practice peace

 

When my heart is so heavy, how can I be a light

I have no answer, no magic, no power, no insight

I weep for those that lost their life without a chance to fight

 

We want to believe there’s a purpose for everything

For everyone, for what’s been done and what’s to come

A way to understand, comprehend

Learn how to mend, but when

Is there ever a good enough motive

To take someone else’s life in our hands

Who are we to decide what is right or wrong

Who’s good and who’s bad

We judge and we criticize, but we don’t listen

We label and condemn without consideration

We dehumanize and then we rationalize

Our actions, our reactions, to our own satisfaction

Our own morals, our own principles, our own beliefs

What about those of the lives that were taken,

Those lives that were shaken, forsaken,

Hate fosters hate, so it doesn’t pay to retaliate

Instead it’s a time to come together to appreciate

This one precious life that we have

We can’t group things when it’s one person’s choice

We can’t group think that we don’t have a voice

When I is a we and we are an us

We gotta’ learn to believe, learn to trust

In the good, in what could be,

A world where we see hope and love and peace

Without the violence and hostility

That has always been a part of our US history

Solidarity seems to only come after a tragedy

But shouldn’t we be standing together already

It shouldn’t take death, to appreciate life

Why do we need something like this to learn how to love

 

When my heart is so heavy, how can I be a light

When I can’t change what’s happened, how do I make it right

Romantic Tuesday -Anticipation

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She didn’t say a word

She just threw down her purse

Took off her dress

And collapsed onto the bed

Exasperated

 

Her lover walks into the room

With a single rose, strokes her

With the soft tip of the petal

From the back of her neck

Down to her right ankle

 

Startled, yet pleased

She lets out a soft moan

A shiver runs through her whole body

Energy she didn’t know she had

 

Suddenly awoken

Wondering…

What happens next

Haiku Challenge – Top and Light

butterflies-are-free

I am coming back to WordPress slowly and exploring the many fun things others are doing on here, such as romantic Tuesday and today I am going to participate in Ronovan Writes Haiku Challenge. I am excited to be a part of this blogging community once again. School and music were eating up all of my time (the last few months). I am grateful for the summer and time to rejuvenate.

Top and Light

She flies the highest

Graceful as a butterfly

She moves with such ease

 

*Top = Highest

*Light = Graceful

 

Romantic Tuesday – Lost In You

I’ve decided to join romantic Tuesday this week! Who knows, maybe every week! I thought it would be a good jump start back into writing. I hope you like it! 🙂

BLUE EYE

5/31/2016

You stare, longingly, into my eyes

And I get lost, in your sea of blue

Your touch so strong and passionate

I melt into your skin, and we are one

 

Both excitement and fear, overwhelm my thoughts

My breath quickens, as I feel your body close

And I can feel my heart racing

Faster and faster, longing to be closer

 

My ear, pressed against your chest

I hear your steady heart beat

I feel your warm breath on my lips

Once again I am present with you

 

Time passes by like there are no clocks

Hours become days, days weeks

I stop counting the minutes until tomorrow

I am finally content, at peace; no more needs